I know why the caged bird sings

I know why the caged bird sings

Ericka

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(no subject)	[Nov. 28th, 2005\|11:23 am]
have alot to be thankful for this year. It's funny how a holiday forces you to think about things like that. Any other day of the year I would have been stewing in my self-pity about how I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown, how I never have enough money or that my family sucks. And all of that is still true. But now I guess my thinking has changed. Don't get me wrong. I still get discouraged, but it's not as bad as it once was... Sure, I have a less-than-perfectly-healthy daughter, but it's not as bad as some people have it. Her asthma is out of control and her Epilepsy isn't as bad as it was this time last year. I guess that's what gets me the most. When I sit here and think about last year and how bad it was (or how bad I THOUGHT it was), it's three times better this year. Her learning disabilites have pretty much subsided and she's back on track acedemically. Her seizures have almost completely vanished--the doctors are even talking about taking her off her medications in January. Some of the kids that come into that neurologist office are 10 times worse than I could ever dream of being. Kids in wheelchairs with helmets on because their seizures are so bad they give themselves concussions. It's heart wrenching. I'm so thankful. My finances are still in shambles. Not that I could avoid it with $200 going out every month in perscriptions alone. But at least I'm not paying for chemo treatments for her. I'm so thankful. On top of that, my soulmate walked into my life this year disguised as a Kentucky-born, sweet-tea-drinking, hillbilly with a thick southern-drawl. For the first time in almost 10 years I am truly, genuinely happy. With all facets of my life....there are no asterisks next to any part of me. I feel as if I am complete...there is nothing missing with him and our relationship together. I have everything I have ever asked for and more. He loves my kids and my kids love him. In one word: harmony. And I couldn't be more thankful. I have a job. I have a roof over my head. I have food on my table. I have an abundance of loving friends. I have clothes on my back. I have two beautiful little girls. I have an education. I have health insurance. I have shoes on my children's feet. I have independence. I have good morals. I have someone that loves me for who I am. I am so thankful.
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(no subject)	[Sep. 8th, 2005\|11:14 am]
I can't get over this whole hurricane stuff. I'm so engulfed in it that it's making me crazy. I can't get over the pictures that I'm seeing...the houses that have been shredded, the families that are barely surviving, and the bodies floating like nobody cares they're gone. It's heartwrenching. I donated the the relief foundation last week--my company matched every donation 100%....but even still, I feel so helpless. I can't imagine what those people are going through down there...to have been stuck in that Superdome under the conditions they were in...it's sickening. I read an article on MSN yesterday about a New Orleans police officer that committed suicide over the travesty. I can't imagine it being SO bad that the best option for you is to take your own life. I just can't bare it....I hope if any of you have loved ones down there, that they're safe. on a much lighter note... brad and i spent the weekend down on the ohio river with the girls. (he's so amazing) his boss owns a couple of campers and a couple of boats down there and we went down for a relaxing weekend. and had ourselves a blast!!! i picked brad up saturday morning, and we went to see my grandparents. then we headed on down to the river. we got down there about 6ish, went out on the boat for a while, came back to the camper and hee-haw'd all night. then Sunday, we got up, hopped in the boat and went to breakfast over at the boat club...came back, changed into our suits and went back out for the rest of the day. We didn't do any "boating" perse...it was more like driving it out to "the spot" and tying on to the 14 other boats that were anchored out in the middle of the river. If you've ever heard the country song "Redneck Yacht Club" then you have a pretty good visual of what we were doing. Just an amazing time. i'm not so sure what's going on this weekend....i have to shoot a wedding up at lake erie on saturday. i think friday night brad and i are going to dinner. and sunday, is wide open--but obviously spent with brad-o and will more than likely involve football! i'm hungry.
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(no subject)	[Aug. 23rd, 2005\|12:20 pm]
5 things that annoy me that others might find trivial... 1) nextel conversations...especially while i'm in a restaurant...i don't want to hear your conversations, turn your shit to 'silent' or remove yourself to a private location, like tajikistan 2) people clipping their fingernails in public 3) people who call you, then proceed to have a conversation with someone on their end of the line while you're still on the phone 4) the aluminum foil roll that makes you believe you have plenty of foil left when you really only have 4 inches 5) walking through inconspicuous spider webs
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(no subject)	[Aug. 23rd, 2005\|08:06 am]
back in may i made a list of what i look for in a man... - he has to be able to communicate....effectively. i want to know that he can tell me anything-about how he feels, his dreams, his fears. everything. - honesty. this is huge with me. don't blow any sunshine up my ass. just give me the truth. it'll be much easier to deal with the truth than to let me find out you've lied. i won't tolerate it. - he has to love kids and have a big enough heart to love children that aren't his own. including loving to disipline them. - we have to share some of the same passions: appreciation of music, being outdoors, laughing, being spontaneous, eating, drinking, sports.... - respectful. period. - i want someone that makes me feel safe; a protector. i want to be able to come home from the shittiest day EVER and have him hold me and the only words he'll say are "everything will be ok, i promise" - i'd like someone who believes in hygiene. shaves on a regular basis, showers daily...that can turn me on before entering a room just by smelling his cologne...BUT doesn't mind getting dirty.... - i want someone that knows how to handle a woman, and not just sexually.... - i'd like for him to be taller than myself and in somewhat good physical condition and i found him. he's amazing...and has flipped my world upside down...i wasn't anticipating on a new relationship. in fact, i really didn't even want one. i was just starting to dig being single--actually enjoying the fact that i didn't have to entertain anyone. but that kind of all went out the window the first night we met for a chimichanga and beer. i can't quite put my finger on what it is about him that makes him different than anyone else in my past...WTF am i talking about!?!??....yes i can. for starters he's not selfish like kris was. nor is he afraid to get dirty and use his hands. he's more respectful than my ex-husband and has a heart the size of a dinner plate. for once, it's not me taking care of them, but him taking care of me. we've been inseperable for the last three weeks. is it possible to fall for someone so quickly. shouldn't i be more guarded? i don't care. he's magnetic.
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(no subject)	[Aug. 22nd, 2005\|03:37 pm]
it's funny how you look back on relationships, thinking that even though there were things lacking, it probably wouldn't get any better. and then someone new walks into your life and you realize that all you were doing back then was settling.
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(no subject)	[Aug. 18th, 2005\|03:05 pm]
two more things: I have a date tonight. Josh, can you make me a user icon that says "camera whore"?
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(no subject)	[Aug. 18th, 2005\|02:05 pm]
List 10 things in a day that give you a moment of joy: - fewer than 50 new emails in my inbox at work - the snooze button - phone calls from a new guy that "can't stop thinking about me" - not having to stop for gas - one diet coke left in the fridge - unexpected hugs from my girls - no bills in the mail - green lights - grabbing a pen that works - good hair day
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(no subject)	[Aug. 10th, 2005\|01:07 pm]
I know all of you guys are wondering what in the hell happened to me. Was I abducted by aliens, did the boogeyman get me, was I hit by a meteor?? No, no and no... I could bore you all with the details of what I've been up to, where I've been...try and dig myself outta the hole that I'm obviously in for not coming out to see some of you.... I'm on day 27...27 days of working...straight...as in no days off. It's insane. Not to mention I'm still going to school full time...have two girls that demand my time (which I gladly give them). I'm trying to find a way to clone myself... I read somewhere that if you drink enough beer you automatically generate a second body. I've been doing extensive research, but it hasn't happened yet. Other than that...my photography business is really starting to take off. Which is good. I have done 4 family shoots, two babies and I have two weddings coming up this month and next. I need to build a website (hint hint...anyone know how??) But, it's slowly coming along... Let's see...anything else happening? I've been on a country music kick lately. Not sure where that came from...I used to be a huge fan of it years ago and for some reason or another, I got away from it. But now I'm back to jamming out to Toby Keith, Kenny Chesney. Deep down I know I'm a briar. I was the only girl hunting and fishing at age 10. I still wear my camo's. So it really shouldn't come as a surprise that I'm a country fan. I'm still single. And loving it, by the way. It's nice to not have to entertain anyone anymore...I can just worry about me and the girls. My best friend is single again...so we've been like the dynamic duo. Raising seven kinds of hell...I've decided that I'm not going to look for my next husband for a while. I'm going to enjoy myself by myself. Do what I want when I want...how I want. If I never go on another date or get into another relationship, it's fine. I have all I need right at the present moment. Josh-u-wah! I absolutely love my new award! It's a brilliant work of art. Can we turn that into my user pic?? And to answer your question, I'm still alive and kicking....I'll post some of my work when I get a second to breathe!!! I miss you guys! Myeah, I briefly read your latest rant...I'm totally feeling you!! I'd love to come see the girls and visit if you ever get a free minute!!! Hang in there sweetie!!!
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(no subject)	[Jul. 7th, 2005\|03:38 pm]
so much to update, so little time.
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(no subject)	[Jun. 24th, 2005\|08:33 am]
Can someone tell me what's going on with Jamie?? I'm seeing all these posts and they're making my heart sink...
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(no subject)	[Jun. 13th, 2005\|09:36 am]
i'm still alive.
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would you rather....	[Jun. 2nd, 2005\|04:10 pm]
have sand in your shorts, or water in your ear?
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(no subject)	[Jun. 2nd, 2005\|03:21 pm]
I'm so outta the loop... I have a lot to catch up on!
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a conversation between me and an honest coworker	[May. 17th, 2005\|03:47 pm]
he said: You may not realize it (and that's just another incredible quality of yours) but your not exactly the average woman. You come across as larger-than-life... You're very "There's Something About Mary"-esque. The perfect woman that nobody quite believes would ever be with "a guy like me." You may find that hard to believe but it's very true... not just my opinion. i replied: wow. that's probably the single most incredible thing that anyone's ever said to me. i may indeed question the validity of it, but nonetheless, it was still great to hear (read). thank you. what bothers me is some men treat me like i'm some supermodel-esque chick prancing around in her Prada shoes and Luis Vuitton handbag. quite the contrary, if you ask me. yes, i may have been graced with decent looks by my mother's gene pool, but i'm a country bumpkin who loves watching sports, eating hot wings and drinking beer...hardly fancy-schmancy. and hardly out of someone's "league". they get so scared by what's outside, that they never get the chance to see that i'm some quarky girl on the inside... he said: I think you're wrong - I think if all guys saw was the good looks they'd have no problem with you. The problem comes when you open your mouth - and they find out that you are way cooler than what anyone would imagine. That's when they start doubting... "Wow, she's hot and has a great attitude and likes all the stuff I like and she's way out of my league." Look around you - most people have average looks and average personality... or they're gifted one way or the other. Rarely do you find someone batting 1,000 - and when you do find them you almost immediately think that they've got someone who's every bit as dynamic and gorgeous as they are and so there would never be room in their life for someone like me.
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(no subject)	[May. 16th, 2005\|12:11 pm]
it's 11:38 and i haven't done a single lick of work yet. ok...let's see here... i had one of the most productive weekends of the year. hm. considering that the year is half over, i've got lots of room for improvement there. anyhoo, friday night, the girls and i went to the mall and did a little shoe shopping--typical of three females. then I took them to see Will Farrell's new movie Kicking and Screaming. it sucked. BAD. definitely wait for it to come out on video/dvd....even then, i'd question spending the money to rent it. saturday i stripped wallpaper off the walls in one of my bathrooms. (i grew up in this house--it was originally owned by my mom, and then after she died, my grandparents moved into it. my grandma ended up inheriting a farm in southern Ohio and they moved right as i was getting divorced--so i bought it.) the walls looked like FTD puked all over the place. HIDEOUS flower paper. so... that was fun. kind of therapeutic. i love renovation crap like that. so, i got that done and started to paint (which i also find very therapeutic). i'm painting it a sort of goldenrod color (it's actually called 'nacho cheese'?!). this bathroom is tiled in a terracotta color on the bottom half of the walls. the shower curtain that i bought--which i practically stole from wal-mart for $2--has this terracotta, goldenrod, olive green, and tan stripes on it... my dining room is tan, and my kitchen is olive green, so i chose the goldenrod to paint the walls. turned out really nice! i absolutely love bold colors like that. anything was better than that floral nausea that was on there before... yesterday i mowed the grass (finally! FINALLY!!!). if i'd had waited any longer i would have needed a herd of sheep. it was pathetic. me and my two neighbors have an unspoken contest to see who breaks the "i'm not mowing until you two mow" silence. i won. my flower beds are in desperate need of attention, so i'm going to have to devote some time to them before they hate me. i have this annoying vine that keeps growing all over the place...that shit won't die even if i doused it in kerosene and lit it on fire. i swear it's rooted in hell. which it's kind of funny...i usually have a green thumb that could kill a silk plant, but i can't kill this sonofabitch. i have some pain-in-the-ass robins that keep building a nest in one spot of my spouting. i removed the 5th nest yesterday, and killed another 6 would-have-been-babies. nice, huh!? so now i'm a Robin Murderer....that brings my death toll up to 19. how do i sleep with myself at night? speaking of birds, do you guys remember me talking about having to shoo a bird that was caught in my fireplace?? i thought he had flown out (the same way he got in there) when i got up the next morning because i didn't hear him in there. wwweeeeellll.............friday night i was folding clothes watching the letterman show when i kept smelling this....funk. i thought to myself "now, that smells distinctively like a decaying carcus." then i remembered the bird. so, i went over to the fireplace, opened up the doors and was housed with a whoof of "dead bird". not only was it dead, it was infested with those gross, tiny, white crawling fly larva. (i refuse to use that m-word). it was nasty. definitely not something i wanted to deal with at 11:28 at night. it was one of those things that you do when you feel dirty afterwards, and no matter how many times you wash your hands with antibacterial soap, you NEVER feel better until you take a shower. ew. let's see...anything else interesting.... i'm heading to indy this weekend for a wedding (and to see my best friend). i heard downtown has some amazing photo ops. i'm definitely taking the gun, and i'll report if i get anything worthwhile. oh, josh....i need your help with something, or maybe i should say: i NEED your help with something IF YOU'RE INTERESTED. let me know when you get back and i'll give you the scoop....
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(no subject)	[May. 12th, 2005\|08:57 am]
paradoxal13 has the QOTD. i'll take care of the useless fact of the day UFOTD. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words. choke on that irony. literally.
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it never fails.	[May. 11th, 2005\|12:07 pm]
i can walk into a ladies room with a football-field length of stalls and i inevitably ALWAYS pick the stall that was last visited by the woman who drank beer and ate mexican last night for dinner...then got up this morning and retaliated by eating the grand slam from denny's and decided to hit the john and put a good punishing on the porcelain.
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isn't it ironic??????

[May. 10th, 2005|03:19 pm]

Your Seduction Style: The Charismatic

You're beyond seductive, you're downright magnetic!
You life live and approach seduction on a grand scale.
You have an inner self confidence and energy that most people lack
It's these talents that make you seem extraordinary - and you truly are!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

no one's ever called me "magnetic" before. i question the validity of the whole thing, but nonetheless, it still felt nice to read that i'm "magnetic". i wonder where that falls into play with me being "intimidating"?????? or "out of someone's league"?????

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