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(no subject) [Nov. 28th, 2005|11:23 am]
have alot to be thankful for this year.

It's funny how a holiday forces you to think about things like that. Any other day of the year I would have been stewing in my self-pity about how I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown, how I never have enough money or that my family sucks. And all of that is still true. But now I guess my thinking has changed. Don't get me wrong. I still get discouraged, but it's not as bad as it once was...

Sure, I have a less-than-perfectly-healthy daughter, but it's not as bad as some people have it. Her asthma is out of control and her Epilepsy isn't as bad as it was this time last year. I guess that's what gets me the most. When I sit here and think about last year and how bad it was (or how bad I THOUGHT it was), it's three times better this year. Her learning disabilites have pretty much subsided and she's back on track acedemically. Her seizures have almost completely vanished--the doctors are even talking about taking her off her medications in January. Some of the kids that come into that neurologist office are 10 times worse than I could ever dream of being. Kids in wheelchairs with helmets on because their seizures are so bad they give themselves concussions. It's heart wrenching. I'm so thankful.

My finances are still in shambles. Not that I could avoid it with $200 going out every month in perscriptions alone. But at least I'm not paying for chemo treatments for her. I'm so thankful.

On top of that, my soulmate walked into my life this year disguised as a Kentucky-born, sweet-tea-drinking, hillbilly with a thick southern-drawl. For the first time in almost 10 years I am truly, genuinely happy. With all facets of my life....there are no asterisks next to any part of me. I feel as if I am complete...there is nothing missing with him and our relationship together. I have everything I have ever asked for and more. He loves my kids and my kids love him. In one word: harmony. And I couldn't be more thankful.

I have a job.

I have a roof over my head.

I have food on my table.

I have an abundance of loving friends.

I have clothes on my back.

I have two beautiful little girls.

I have an education.

I have health insurance.

I have shoes on my children's feet.

I have independence.

I have good morals.

I have someone that loves me for who I am.

I am so thankful.
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(no subject) [Sep. 8th, 2005|11:14 am]
I can't get over this whole hurricane stuff. I'm so engulfed in it that it's making me crazy. I can't get over the pictures that I'm seeing...the houses that have been shredded, the families that are barely surviving, and the bodies floating like nobody cares they're gone. It's heartwrenching. I donated the the relief foundation last week--my company matched every donation 100%....but even still, I feel so helpless. I can't imagine what those people are going through down there...to have been stuck in that Superdome under the conditions they were in...it's sickening. I read an article on MSN yesterday about a New Orleans police officer that committed suicide over the travesty. I can't imagine it being SO bad that the best option for you is to take your own life. I just can't bare it....I hope if any of you have loved ones down there, that they're safe.

on a much lighter note...

brad and i spent the weekend down on the ohio river with the girls. (he's so amazing) his boss owns a couple of campers and a couple of boats down there and we went down for a relaxing weekend. and had ourselves a blast!!! i picked brad up saturday morning, and we went to see my grandparents. then we headed on down to the river. we got down there about 6ish, went out on the boat for a while, came back to the camper and hee-haw'd all night. then Sunday, we got up, hopped in the boat and went to breakfast over at the boat club...came back, changed into our suits and went back out for the rest of the day. We didn't do any "boating" perse...it was more like driving it out to "the spot" and tying on to the 14 other boats that were anchored out in the middle of the river. If you've ever heard the country song "Redneck Yacht Club" then you have a pretty good visual of what we were doing. Just an amazing time.

i'm not so sure what's going on this weekend....i have to shoot a wedding up at lake erie on saturday. i think friday night brad and i are going to dinner. and sunday, is wide open--but obviously spent with brad-o and will more than likely involve football!

i'm hungry.
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(no subject) [Aug. 23rd, 2005|12:20 pm]
5 things that annoy me that others might find trivial...

1) nextel conversations...especially while i'm in a restaurant...i don't want to hear your conversations, turn your shit to 'silent' or remove yourself to a private location, like tajikistan

2) people clipping their fingernails in public

3) people who call you, then proceed to have a conversation with someone on their end of the line while you're still on the phone

4) the aluminum foil roll that makes you believe you have plenty of foil left when you really only have 4 inches

5) walking through inconspicuous spider webs
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(no subject) [Aug. 23rd, 2005|08:06 am]
back in may i made a list of what i look for in a man...

- he has to be able to communicate....effectively. i want to know that he can tell me anything-about how he feels, his dreams, his fears. everything.

- honesty. this is huge with me. don't blow any sunshine up my ass. just give me the truth. it'll be much easier to deal with the truth than to let me find out you've lied. i won't tolerate it.

- he has to love kids and have a big enough heart to love children that aren't his own. including loving to disipline them.

- we have to share some of the same passions: appreciation of music, being outdoors, laughing, being spontaneous, eating, drinking, sports....

- respectful. period.

- i want someone that makes me feel safe; a protector. i want to be able to come home from the shittiest day EVER and have him hold me and the only words he'll say are "everything will be ok, i promise"

- i'd like someone who believes in hygiene. shaves on a regular basis, showers daily...that can turn me on before entering a room just by smelling his cologne...BUT doesn't mind getting dirty....

- i want someone that knows how to handle a woman, and not just sexually....

- i'd like for him to be taller than myself and in somewhat good physical condition

and i found him.

he's amazing...and has flipped my world upside down...i wasn't anticipating on a new relationship. in fact, i really didn't even want one. i was just starting to dig being single--actually enjoying the fact that i didn't have to entertain anyone. but that kind of all went out the window the first night we met for a chimichanga and beer.

i can't quite put my finger on what it is about him that makes him different than anyone else in my past...WTF am i talking about!?!??....yes i can. for starters he's not selfish like kris was. nor is he afraid to get dirty and use his hands. he's more respectful than my ex-husband and has a heart the size of a dinner plate. for once, it's not me taking care of them, but him taking care of me.

we've been inseperable for the last three weeks.

is it possible to fall for someone so quickly. shouldn't i be more guarded?

i don't care. he's magnetic.
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(no subject) [Aug. 22nd, 2005|03:37 pm]
it's funny how you look back on relationships, thinking that even though there were things lacking, it probably wouldn't get any better. and then someone new walks into your life and you realize that all you were doing back then was settling.
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(no subject) [Aug. 18th, 2005|03:05 pm]
two more things:

I have a date tonight.

Josh, can you make me a user icon that says "camera whore"?
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(no subject) [Aug. 18th, 2005|02:05 pm]
List 10 things in a day that give you a moment of joy:

- fewer than 50 new emails in my inbox at work
- the snooze button
- phone calls from a new guy that "can't stop thinking about me"
- not having to stop for gas
- one diet coke left in the fridge
- unexpected hugs from my girls
- no bills in the mail
- green lights
- grabbing a pen that works
- good hair day
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(no subject) [Aug. 10th, 2005|01:07 pm]
I know all of you guys are wondering what in the hell happened to me. Was I abducted by aliens, did the boogeyman get me, was I hit by a meteor?? No, no and no...

I could bore you all with the details of what I've been up to, where I've been...try and dig myself outta the hole that I'm obviously in for not coming out to see some of you....

I'm on day 27...27 days of working...straight...as in no days off. It's insane. Not to mention I'm still going to school full time...have two girls that demand my time (which I gladly give them). I'm trying to find a way to clone myself... I read somewhere that if you drink enough beer you automatically generate a second body. I've been doing extensive research, but it hasn't happened yet.

Other than that...my photography business is really starting to take off. Which is good. I have done 4 family shoots, two babies and I have two weddings coming up this month and next. I need to build a website (hint hint...anyone know how??) But, it's slowly coming along...

Let's see...anything else happening?

I've been on a country music kick lately. Not sure where that came from...I used to be a huge fan of it years ago and for some reason or another, I got away from it. But now I'm back to jamming out to Toby Keith, Kenny Chesney. Deep down I know I'm a briar. I was the only girl hunting and fishing at age 10. I still wear my camo's. So it really shouldn't come as a surprise that I'm a country fan.

I'm still single. And loving it, by the way. It's nice to not have to entertain anyone anymore...I can just worry about me and the girls. My best friend is single again...so we've been like the dynamic duo. Raising seven kinds of hell...I've decided that I'm not going to look for my next husband for a while. I'm going to enjoy myself by myself. Do what I want when I want...how I want. If I never go on another date or get into another relationship, it's fine. I have all I need right at the present moment.

Josh-u-wah! I absolutely love my new award! It's a brilliant work of art. Can we turn that into my user pic?? And to answer your question, I'm still alive and kicking....I'll post some of my work when I get a second to breathe!!!

I miss you guys!

Myeah, I briefly read your latest rant...I'm totally feeling you!! I'd love to come see the girls and visit if you ever get a free minute!!! Hang in there sweetie!!!
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(no subject) [Jul. 7th, 2005|03:38 pm]
so much to update, so little time.
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(no subject) [Jun. 24th, 2005|08:33 am]
Can someone tell me what's going on with Jamie?? I'm seeing all these posts and they're making my heart sink...
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